WAR !!!

There have been many important conflicts in the past such as the war of The Defenestration
and the war of Jenkins Ear. Once again we ( The royal we. It really means I ) are ( am ) in conflict from which we ( I ) shall emerge victorious. The genesis of this encounter requires some background explanation.

It is well known by anyone with the brain power of a snail that toilet paper rolls should unroll from the top toward the outside or front of the roll. This, of course, allows one to easily locate and grasp the end of the roll and accurately measure those squares that the situation may require.

The aggressor , who shall remain nameless, ( You know who you are, you dirty rat ) reverses the toilet roll in all bathrooms and at all times of day or night.We (I) put them aright only to find them shortly thereafter reversed again and again.

Let me make myself clear. You, nameless, cannot win. I intend, at any cost, to prevail.

NOT A GOOD CHRISTMAS SEASON

I would hate to be in the retail sales business. Here we are at the acme of the shopping
season and everybody is desperately trying to get rid of their inventories.
All year long we get full page adds from the mattress, rug, shoe and clothing selllers. But now it
is getting ridiculous. For example, a chain which sells suits: not 2 for 1, it is actually offering three for one. Does one suppose that they are taking a loss ? What kind of a markup do they have on their merchandise ? Do they really charge two or three times cost in ordinary times ? Shoes, mostly only 2 for the price of one. Furniture : buy now, pay nothing until 2010. Insanity on the part of sellers. Shouldn't they give cash buyers a huge discount ? Give it a try. I'm betting they would .
What a wonderful time to buy a car, especially those huge SUVs that no one wanted a few months ago. Gasoline ( The best thing that has happened to us hapless consumers in a long time ) is now down to $1.37 in some stations. One can easily get 25 to 35% off on these vehicles.
What a bargain !
It is disturbing to see some of the great stores going bankrupt. Most of them will be gone forever. We see shopping malls and strips with vacancies. It won't be long before they are in
big trouble.
But enough of this gloom and doom. In previous blogs I have averred that I am now an optimist. I can't imagine why.

THINGS ARE'NT LOOKING SO GOOD

We are not thrilled with the world situation, especially the situation in our dearly
loved USA. It seems like we are fast losing our manufacturing base. Our banks are mostly bankrupt. The value of the dollar is shrinking at an alarming rate. ( This is the
government's clever way of charging us a hidden tax). Not only is the value of the dollar shrinking, so is the value of our savings, our investments, and our homes. Prices of almost everything are going through the roof. At the same time, our infrastructure is falling apart, our medical system is a shambles, our educational system is mostly a disgrace . Our current administration ( and the next one I think )
believes that throwing dollars about by the billions may solve the problems. I think that will not solve anything. Obama"s plans are grandiose. Nothing is going to change when he takes over.
There is so much bad news that I don't even care anymore. I doubt that we (Jan and I ) will starve or want for the basic necessities. If we live a few more years there won't be much left over in the estate. So I am going to quit worrying. I plan on becoming an optimist.

TRAVEL

We will be off to Raleigh in the next few days to spend Thanksgiving with Nancy, Greg,
the kids, Sonya, and, in the latter part of the visit, Virginia. We look forward to this with
great expectations of a wonderful time. No cooking and dish washing. Being waited on hand and foot with our every desire taken care of. That is the upside.

Downside: Packing for the cold weather is always problematic. We don't have the wardrobe
for this. A few shabby sweaters, a peculiar jacket, a strange looking cap which covers my ears,
and that is about it. Then there is the flight itself. I hate taking off my shoes and wandering about on the filthy airport floor. Endless waiting in lines and then, hanging about for the flight to be announced. Sitting in the tiny little space allowed on the aircraft. Usually a big fat person
sitting next to one and using to arm rest that should be mine. Lousy little meals ( Or not).
Horrid little restrooms, often looking pretty unsanitary, waiting again for your baggage which may or may not have arrived.

The pluses far outweigh the minuses else we wouldn't subject ourselves to this sort of thing.

HUMOR ( continued )

I would never hurt sensitive minorities by telling jokes about them in their presence.
It is true that humor often tends to stereotype.
It is true that the Irish drink more liquor than , say, the Jews. I recently read that the
per capita ratio of Irish alcoholics vis a vis the Jews is about 40 to 1. Still, the Irish love Irish humor. Jews tell Jewish jokes to one another and to non-Jews and seem more than tolerant of non-Jews telling Jewish jokes. Southerners ( say Aggies ) tell jokes about themselves all the time. ( Example: What do you call an Aggie after he graduates? Answer, Boss ) Their reputation for ignorance ( Ill deserved ) allows them to get the last laugh. Catholics are more than tolerant of humor directed their way.

Blacks and homosexuals don't seem to appreciate stereotypical jokes about them. These groups are so extremely sensitive that they may even physically attack anyone telling jokes at their expense.

There is nothing funny about the mentally challenged . Even I don't think jokes about them are funny. I also object to jokes about the elderly. Hmm- I wonder why that is.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO OUR SENSE OF HUMOR

I sometimes remember,long ago, some of the jokes we used to tell one another. Some of them might have been mean spirited. Some groups were not amused, particularly the more sensitive types. But the jokes mostly were screamingly funny. Now, in this age of political correctness, we no longer seem to be allowed to tell jokes about any of a great number of topics. Following is a partial list of those subjects that now are taboo.
Women, Jews, homosexuals,Catholics ( Still fair game ), Mexicans, southerners, blacks,
Indians ( US type ), drunks (Still funny sometimes) ,Germans, French, Orientals ,and perhaps other groups.
Can you think of any other groups that have become sensitized ? Don't you miss the freedom
to laugh at funny things as we used to ?

MISCELANEOUS ( CONTINUED )

I pushed the wrong button and got cut off in mid blog. As I was saying--
Hannity had a program last night with a review of Obama's life. His background is suspect. His associations are more than suspect. I have never seen a more damming
program about anyone. I only wish that all Obama lovers could have watched it.
Now it is probably too late. I am pretty sure he will win the election which makes me very nervous. It may not affect me too much as I know I will not live forever. But what about my kids and grandkids ? They may live in a world much different than mine
and not an improvement.

MISCELANEOUS

I just finished the dog book mentioned in a previous blog.Marley and Me.
Jan kept LOL while reading it so I also read it. Not my thing. It was about a really bad dog that the family grew to love. It was a truely awful animal which I hated from the start. I never got to thepoint where I saw anything to like in this crazy beast. I would
have gotten rid of him in the first week. Not recommended reading.

Last night Hannity had a full hour program about Obama. It came on at 8

Good Books

I have not had more fun reading a book since .... since.... never.
Pioneer Go Home by ( I think ) Richard Russel ( or Rusell ) is an old book and out of print. It may not be easy to find but if you can find it, get it and have a bit of fun. In my dotage, I am a slow reader, or so I thought. This 350 pager I consumed in one day.

Now I am reading another fun book but just started it. It is a dog book called Marley & Me.
Jan tells me it is also a fun book. She kept LOL ( I really am up to date on things ) so I have to assume that it is going to be something you might also enjoy. ( by John Grogan ).

What a relief to get away from the news which is getting more and more depressing. I am supposing that McCain is toast and so is the stock market and the economy. Meanwhile, I am
accumulating a new batch of trivia which you shall see anon. I really don't want to blog about politics anymore.

TRIVIA

Here is a sample of the trivia questions that I presented a few weeks ago at the Burlap Barrel.The contestants
complained that they were too hard. The winning team (no more than 4 p;ayers ) got 12 right of 20. I pruned a few of the questions which were too easy. Teams of no more than 4 players and no fair cheating. See how well you can do.

1) t/f Marilyn Monroe was Playboys first centerfold.
2) t/f The standard violin consists of 23 separate pieces of wood.
3) t/f Mozart wrote Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at age 5.
4) t/f Kermit the Frog is left handed. Extra credit, what is his middle name?
5) What does MASH stand for ?
6) What is Dagwood Bumsteads dog's name ?
7) What is senator McCain's middle name?
8) t/f In the movie Scar Face (1984) the F word is spoken over 200 times.
9) t/f The famous battle scene in Gone With The Wind took only 3 minutes.
10) How long did sleeping beauty sleep?
11) How many holes in a chinese checker board ?
12) How many squares on a scrabble board ?
13) In golf we have par, birdie, eagle, another bird, and still another bird.
Name the last trwo birds. ( double eagle and triple eagle don't count )
14)When did the STAR Spangled Banner become the national anthem ?
15) What is commemorated in the words of the Star Spangled Banner ?

No phoning a friend or asking non team members for help.

COMEDY ON TV

I love to watch TV . Here is a list of comedies that have come and gone and a few that are still around. In order to be amused, I have had to put aside my scruples and prejudices in most cases. I grade them on a scale of 1 to 10.

Milton Berle -Gone and forgotten. Ground breaker. 8
Red Skelton- Only the French could love him 6
Dean Martin- Funnier than one might remember 8
I love Lucy- Still lingers on in reruns. Sometimes amusing .8
Married with Children- Limited story line ran its course. 7
The Honeymooners -We thought it was funny at the time. Not really very good 6
Jack Benny - Funny, funny , funny. Don't see much of him anymore. 9
Fibber McGee- Forgotten by all. 7
Bob Hope- Nice guy, lousy comedian. 5
Mary Tyler Moore - One of the best. Why don't we get reruns of this great show ? 10
Mash - Ran out of situations and died a natural death. Reruns boring. 7
Have you been served - British humor. Very repetitious. Reruns don't seem as funny now. 7
3rd Rock from the Sun - Ran out of steam. Hilarious while it lasted. 9
Everybody Loves Raymond - Reruns still seem amusing. Theme a bit limited. 9
Friends - Lots of fun but it ran its course. Reruns seem boring. 8
Seinfield - Best cast and scripted show ever. Lives on in reruns. 10
Boston Legal - We are not amused. It jams its political agenda down ones throat. 2
The Office ( US version )- Best thing going. Low key humor appeals to me. 10

Are you awake at 2 AM ? Turn on your TIVO and program Red Eye. Greg Gutfeld has a sense of the ridiculous. He gets pretty vulgar sometimes but that is forgivable if it is funny.
He is on every week night ( Morning really ) and goes non-stop for an hour. Greg has written books and had articles published in learned periodicals, always with tongue in cheek.

Have I missed any programs ?

IKE (Yikes)

We seem to have weathered the storm. I slept through the scariest part Friday night
and early Saturday. It was pretty grim after that with no power, no water, no gasoline, no stores,
and worst of all, no television. We have been going to bed around 8 PM so at least we got plenty of sleep.

Naturally we threw away tons of frozen food. Although there was considerable damage in the area, we were largely spared. Our big oak tree lost about 6 major limbs but stayed standing,
unlike those trees of some in the area. Our fence blew down ( Already fixed ) and the cleanup
was a really big job. We filled 12 39 gallon bags with tree debris and also a huge pile of branches and other junk. Cleverly, we contracted out the removal of all that junk and have the only decent looking yard in the area. Everyone else is awaiting FEMA to take care of them. (Lots o' luck y'all).

Today, the stores are open and moderately stocked. Gasoline stations with electricity are pumping gasoline. Jan is off to work ( Only two days a week ) Still no cable television.

Galveston is quite another story. They had a mandatory evacuation but thousands opted
to stay and weather the storm. Hardly anyone actually died but the city did. No one is allowed back in and those that are there are ordered to get out. The mayor himself (Kind of an idiot
but in this case for once is right ) says the place is uninhabitable. Most houses destroyed, no water, no electricity, no drainage ( Apparently the whole area is beginning to stink) no stores, no gasoline. No telling when or if there will ever be a city there again. In 1903 Galveston was hit by a hurricane that no one saw coming. Unbelievably, 6,000 perished. The city never completely recovered. At that time is was the big city and Houston was almost nothing. So Houston grew and Galveston languished.

HURRICANE

We are expecting to have lots of fun in the next few days. Our local authorities
are ordering a mandatory evacuation for the southern part of Harris county, just about 25 miles from us. If the worst predictions come true, we will be subject to winds of 100 mph. The calamity howlers are really trying to scare us. The only thing that scares me is a power failure. How horrid it would be to sit in the dark with no TV, no computer, and even worse, no air conditioner. How will we eat all that raw food in our freezers ?
We are as ready as can be for the worst. Cars all gassed up, plenty of rum and bourbon, a few extra gas canisters for out baby Weber barbaquer. If I remember, I think I might put away things like garden chairs and garbage containers. They can really fly around in a strong wind. I don't want to replace any broken windows.

One last word ( Maybe )

I told a little lie last time. Another political comment-Sara looks pretty good after all. She's tough
smart, ambitious, and above all, good looking. I can hardly wait for her to nail stuffed shirt Biden in a debate. Maybe we won't be subjected to his self satisfied smirk at that time.

On another subject- The press is such a bunch of calamity howlers. The current hurricane
has landed and so far not too much has happened. If New Orliens doesn't flood this time, they may have trouble getting people out of there the next time. We here in Houston will be lucky if we get a nice, much needed rain storm. Right now the worst thing going on is overtopping of the levees which seem to be holding up very well. It still might be a disaster but my prediction is, it won't be. It's 11 AM Monday. I may have to eat my words later on.

Crazier and crazier

McCain blew it. He had a shot at winning but he wanted to surprise us and he certainly did.
He picked an ex beauty queen governor of the unimportant state of Alaska as VP. She is an
attractive woman, no doubt. Is she ready to be president if something should happen to the
wrinkly gray haired presidential candidate ?

Obama has promised us to cure all that is wrong with the country and indeed, the world. I don't believe that he, or anyone else could do all he has promised. The adulation that his followers are
showing is hard to overcome. He is being treated as if he were the second coming. He almost blew it when he selected Biden, that loquacious, bullying, self satisfied stuffed shirt. He has never been in the real world. His entire adult life has been in the senate.

But back to Obama: He promises to fix social security, the federal deficit, the oil crises among
other things. It is not going to happen since it is politically not possible. I wish it were.

I promise not to vent my political thoughts again, at least until after the election.

ARE POLITICIANS STUPID /

I have , ex post facto, put myself in John McCain's shoes, just for a moment.

Reporter: How many houses do you own ?
McCain : What a peculiar question. Why do you ask ?
Reporter : 1) The people have a need to know.
2)The people have a right to know.
McCain : 1) Why do the people need to know ?
2) I don't find the right to know how many homes I own anywhere in the constitution.

Had a repartee such as this taken place I would say "McCain for president-hurray ". Instead I say, I will vote for McCain, ho hum. Why would I do this ? Because his stupid, thoughtless answer is more than matched by equally stupid statements by Barak Hussein Obama.

OLYMPICS

I want to love the Olympics. How difficult it is to enjoy it. We can start off with the opening ceremony. This exaggerated garish display borders on the ridiculous. No one will ever top the Chinese display.
The wonderful International Olympic committee, this graft ridden group of crooks with their hands out for the perks which most countries seem willing to give them, seem willing to add and add still more events which no one cares about. Synchronized swimming and diving pop into
mind at once. Add to that beach volleyball, soft ball (blessedly not to happen next time), water polo (really played nowhere in the world except in the Olympics), soccer (They already have their world cup), and many others to numerous to name.
Next come some of the legitimate events, ruined by the odd Olympic rules. Boxing has rules which changed the sport completely. Now it is jump in, try to strike a blow and clinch. The five corrupt judges press a button within one second if they think a blow has landed. The blow must be by the white(front) part of the glove to the front of the opponent. Result, some poor slob can get the tar beaten out of him and still win. It happens very often.
Weight lifting and wrestling are legit but really boring to watch. Fencing (really ) is hardly a useful thing to be having in this day.
NBC is the number one sinner in ruining the Olympics. They dedicate hour upon hour upon the crappy little things while we wait patiently for Gymnastics (How about those pathetic little undersized, undeveloped robots that the Chinese put out for our edification) only to watch the female floor exercises with young girls wriggling about in the most inappropriate manner.
I especially like track and field. NBC will likely find a way to ruin that also.

A NOTE OF APPRECIATION

I read that the federal deficit is $482 billion dollars. As a footnote to that story, one will find
that the Iraq-Afghanistan war cost is not included. Add at least 150 billion. Note also that he housing bailout is to cost ( conservatively ) 300 billion. This begins to sound like a real deficit
of almost 1 TRILLION bucks.

Our wonderful congress continues adding additional and expensive programs. For example:
World wide aid for aids ; billions ( but very little for heart disease and cancer ). Thank you, congress. We thank you for all the porky earmarks which accompany each legislative bill. Thanks again , congress, for being so generous with our and our grandchildren's money. We also admire your generous offer to bail out the real estate borrowers and lenders. How great for you to be taking a one month vacation while not doing anything about the energy crisis. Lastly, our appreciation for the unfunded expenses forced onto our evil corporations. They seem to be making obscene profits, a situation which can easily be corrected by more taxes and regulations.

Anf finally, my thanks go also to the President for using his veto power so sparingly and allowing the congressional garbage to become law.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

Mother nature can be cruel. Think of the poor farmers here in south Texas. The cotton and sorghum crops had barely survived for a month without a drop of rain. Harvest time came
accompanied by 5 or more inches of rain. Adios crops for this year. So guess what.
The price of food and clothing will go up. Surprise , Surprise .

Back to congress bashing. It seems they are about to take off for their summer vacation. Almost nothing good was accomplished but they did pass some lousy stuff, mostly new spending ideas. Gasoline price still hovers about $4.00 a gallon.
I do blame our Democrats for blocking any useful legislation but they had help from the Republicans. Isn't it too bad that we don't have term limitations on some of the old, professional politicians. Three of four terms in the house and one or two in the senate should be enough. Somehow, 95% of the incumbents seem to get re-elected no matter how lousy they are.

There are moments when being a parent can be nerve wracking. One of the worst times is when the children get their first car. Off they go, fresh out of driver training with their new license, fearless, daring, and completely inexperienced.
Most of them survive and some even become good drivers but it takes time and usually a few accidents for this to happen.

Isn't it too bad that our US auto companies are in such trouble. They finally have started making excellent and attractive vehicles, equal in quality to all other auto companies. Now they are losing their shirts due to excessive labor concessions from way back when they were more prosperous. They have the product right but may very well go bankrupt

Drill Now

Hannity is pushing a petition called "drill now". I accesed it by asking simply for
drill now petition. It was really simple. He has about 1 million so far and I added my vote.
You can do the same. It takes about no time at all. If you think this is a good idea, please add
your 2 cents. What do you think of the idea ?

BOGGLE

U can C that eye have fried my brain. Eye have bin playing two
much boggle and am righting like this all the thyme.

Yew knead knot respond 2 this hear note. Eye no their is knot
much 2 say.

Paid programming on TV

Although I have never bought things advertised on the paid programs I admit some of the items look interesting. " Not sold in stores" is a red flag. That might translate into " If you see this trash in stores, you won't buy it ".
While rummaging among out stuff we came up with a mango cutter. Where it came from I cannot tell. Some well meaning relative, friend or other admirer, knowing our love of the mango may have sent it to us . I don't believe this item was ever sold in stores. It does seem to be well made. "Only $19.95. Act now and we will send you not one but two at no additional cost".
It just doesn't work. It mostly squashed the mango and had great difficulty penetrating the skin. My suggestion: Beware of the paid TV programs.

THINGS ARE'NT LOOKING SO GOOD

Today's stock market may be a harbinger of things to come.(Dow down about 400 points)
Crude up about $10.00 a barrel. This is ominous.

It begins to seem that there is not enough crude being produced to supply the demand. Even a slight shortfall can ( and will )cause wild speculation and ever increasing prices.

The air transport business is about to be ruined. The price of flying must go up and few of us will be able to afford to fly. Gasoline and diesel are likely to go through the roof. Think like $8.oo or $10.00 a gallon (pretty soon). The auto industry will take a terrible blow. Our wonderful Boeing Co. will have trouble selling aircraft. Prices of food and goods will skyrocket as the dollar sinks even further in value.

In short - The US and maybe the world will sink into a terrible depression and I cannot see how we or they will ever recover.

Blame? Lets put lots of it on our congress.Their inaction over the last 10 or 15 years is unbelievable. Right now oil is the problem. The solution stares us in the face. You and I know what should have been done. Now it may be too late.

Republican or Democrat

I have never been a Democrat. Now I must wonder if I am a Republican. Both parties are behaving like idiots. Uppermost in my mind : The energy problem
( soon to be a crisis ).
There are about ten easy steps to be taken that will solve the problem. I will list a few of them (You all know them unless you are a congressman)
1) Remove all the restrictions on drilling for our oil. This includes the East Coast and the West coast as well as Alaska. The shale oil and tar sands should be developed at once. The environmental impact of this is very small. The petroleum industry has new methods for clean drilling.
2)Get started at once building more nuclear power plants. We have 108 of them at present and they are old but reliable. We could use 100 more. Modern designed plants will be more efficiet and even safer.
3)Shoot the enviromentalist. ( Just kidding ). What I really mean is, the wild eyed ones that are obstructist should be ignored.
There are many more things that need to be done but the above have a wonderful
simplicity and a huge advantage. They would cost the Government nothing. Private industry would gladly do it all at their own expense. We, the struggling public would benefit with lowered gasoline prices.
Unforunately, these measures would take time, years and years. Why didn't we get started ten years ago ? Ask your congressman.

Papayas (again)

Quasimoto was doing very well until the other day. Five well formed young ones and what looks like another fifty on the way. I discovered a group of ants crawling about and puncturing
the babies. They then oozed white stuff which the ants were harvesting and carrying away.
We have instituted a 24 hour watch but they are sneaky and slip by from time to time. Now I have sprayed Quasi ( My affectionate name for the tree ) with anti ant spray. Success for the
moment.

Of all the colonial hymenopterous insects, the formicidae are my least favorite. There are many different types, most of them swarming about our modest garden. We have enormous black ants with the annoying habit of crawling onto ones arm or leg.Nasty fire ants also like to get on ones body and they pack a nasty sting. I remember , as a child, that big red ants were prevalent. We see very few of them in this area. The ones after the papayas are black and medium sized. I don't suppose there is any way to eliminate them.

Papaya

Two years ago daughter Kathy presented me with a tiny papaya tree. She was aware of my failed efforts from previous years and so ( bless her ) she gave me this miserable specimen, root bound and bent over. I called it Quasimoto and stuck it unceremoniously into the ground.
It grew slowly and the first year produced blossoms which promptly fell off. Year two and it has gotten to about 7 feet ( a shrimp by papaya standards). Now it has produced many blossoms and they are all turning into papayas. I expect a bountiful harvest. Isn't that good news ?

The bad news-- I hate papayas. Never has a more tasteless fruit been produced by mother nature.

Next I will thrill my readers with the heart warming story about our beans and tomatoes.

Grand Opera

There are a few arias in some operas that I fund to be beautiful but they are just bits and
pieces hooked onto stupid stories. Therefore, it is safe to say that I am not an opera buff.

Jan is an opera buff. She listens to her tapes and discs while doing her chores. Not often does she have a chance to actually go to the opera and so she jumped at the chance to go last night.
Some sort of a deal allowed her to pay only $30.00 for seats that normally go for $150.00.
She came home very pleased with the experience. I was appalled at the $30.00 price
(We could have purchased a disc of the whole thing for less) and can not even imagine anyone paying the full $150.00 price.

It seems that many people have so much money that it no longer has any meaning. I often wonder what it would be like to be in that position. Thousands of dollars for a super bowl ticket.
A small fortune to hear Banana Nose (My affectionate name for Streisand), hotel rooms for thousands per night and meals costing hundreds of bucks. My worries are much simpler. $3.50 for a gallon of gas, $4.00 for a gallon of milk.

MORE RANDOM THOUGHTS

It seems to me that the media is making much to much about the Pope"s visit. I agree with the general coverage, he is a swell dude and much admired even by non -Catholics but---
That Popemobile is the worst looking vehicle ever designed by human hand, I would find it demeaning just to look at it, let alone ride in it.
That crazy hat that he seems to wear on ceremonial occasions is simply awful. He better stay awake while wearing it. If he happens to nod off it becomes horribly obvious. And how can he
not nod off while attending some of the events which he must attend ?

RANDOM THOUGHTS

I have recently noticed that many people suddenly have very white teeth. There are many shades of white but tooth color isn't that bright reflective white. Some celebrities teeth practically glow in the dark. This confirms my suspicion that many people are idiots.

Why do people riot ? Perhaps the Haitians who seem to be starving have a pretty good excuse.
Most American riots seem strange. They often take place during the week when all good people are a t work. I must assume that the rioters are all unemployed. Sometimes their causes seem a little less than pressing. Do the recent disturbances in San Francisco seem to be of pressing concern? Do you suppose that the rioters even know where Tibet is ?

Global warming seems to have stalled during the last few years. Hmm- Do you suppose that the warming theory has been exaggerated ? My theory is that it is a self correcting situation.More warmth creates more clouds which reflect the suns rays back into space and hence cool things down.

WHAT IF I WERE A MULTI-BILLIONARE ?

Those who have been reading my blog know that I like to imagine things.
I have posed as a professor of economics ( See my course in Economics 101 ),
a professor of civics ( see Civics 101 ) and as a dictator.
Now I have become an obscenely wealthy person and my problem is , what to do with all this dough. Naturally, I have a ready answer. Although I sympathise with the poor and the sick
and I see a great need to improve education, none of these appeal to my generosity.
We note, with some dismay, that Ford Motor Company finds itself in dire straits. This bothers me so much that I am willing to invest my billions in some sort of a bailout. Why would I do such a thing?
FOMOCO probably employs over 100,000 people. There may be 3000 agencies selling
Ford products. Each agency likely employs 40 people. Something like 250,000 people depend on these jobs. Including their families, we are talking about close to 1,000,000 people who would be left without support should the company go out of business.
Those of us that show any interest in automobiles know that Ford products are excellent.
They have vehicles of all types. Why aren't we buying more of them ? There is a perception that imported cars are superior. I don't believe this. US auto manufacturers have greatly improved the quality of their product.
I, of course, am now running the company and know of many management steps that must be taken. Step one: get labor and management talking to one another to set reasonable salary adjustments for both parties. That is the most important thing.
I really don't want to see this, the year of our Ford 100 to be the last one. Lets all go out and buy a Ford ASAP.

I DON'T BELEVE THESE THINGS

1) 1 in 4 teenage girls has a STD.
If this were true we should start watching our children more closely. We used to
have chaperons. Not a bad idea.

2) Drink 8 glasses of water per day.
Why would anyone put such a burden on ones kidneys ? Perhaps, in very hot
weather a glass or two might be in order. Maybe athletes might drink a few glasses.
Some people ( me ) drink 1 or no glasses of water per day and seem reasonably
healthy.

3) 2,000,000 American children go to bed hungry every night. Where are these
kids ? Where are the parents ? I thought we had social programs to take care of this
supposed problem. What a bunch of baloney !

4) There are 5,000,ooo homeless in the US.
Yes there are some homeless persons and they are a problem. They are hard to
count. Since they are always out in the street it is easily imagined that the
statisticians over estimated the numbers. That is my theory

HAVE WE GONE CRAZY ? (Confirmation )

I am not alone. Todays Drudge Report indicates that there is widespread
disgust with the Defense Department's granting a huge contract to the French company.

HAVE WE GONE CRAZY ?

We would be singing "God Save the Queen" today if the French had not intervened
in our great revolution. They didn"t love us much at the time but hated England with whom they were at war. But we did owe them a great debt of gratitude.

That debt was repaid in WW I. It was repaid in WW II with interest. Post WW II with the
Marshall plan we repaid the debt once again, this time with compound interest at a
usurious rate.

And yet today the French do not love us. Perhaps they envy us our world position. Their
puny military and ever shrinking power on the world stage must rankle.

Why, you might ask, does that make us crazy ? Here is why. Our military granted a contract for $100,000,000,000 ( That's one hundred BILLION ) to the French company that makes the
Airbus . Boeing, one of our stellar companies, was quite able to fill the order for tanker aircraft for the US Air force. So the French industry gets a much needed shot in the arm. Our international balance of trade takes another hit. Why are we helping them?

So, are we crazy or am I missing something ?

KOSOVO : The Lewinski mess

Kosovo declares independence ! Thanks to Bill Clinton , Serbia was beaten into submission by the UN (Really the USA) forces. This allowed the Albanian Moslems to take over the area. These ignorant Islamists had been getting out of Albania as fast as they could. Albania is a Moslem enclave left over by the wonderful Crusades when they were cleansing Europe of the Moslems. Albania had been under one of the most repressive communist dictatorships for 50 years or more.

Monica Lewinski so embarrassed Clinton that he embarked on a war where there was no US interest whatsoever. Perhaps he thought that we would forget his indiscretions. It didn't work out that way.

Now President Bush, to his eternal shame, has recognized Kosovo. This new miserable country of ignorant Islamists, with nothing going for it will now be on the dole for the foreseeable future.

Question 1) Why did we fight the Christian Serbs in favor of the Islamic Albanians ?
Question 2) Why are we determined to to form a new Moslem country in Europe ?
Question 3) What can we do abut it ?
Answer to question #3. Absolutely nothing.

Another day shot to hell

We awoke to the steady drup drip drip. Something had gone wrong in the attic. Another pin hole leak in the ancient pipes. We located our wonderful plumber who had moved and changed number since we last used him. Fortunately for us, he likes us and responded to our desperate
situation at once. He arrived at noon and has just left now at 7 PM. $425 later the leak is fixed and we seem to be thrilled to pay the fee.
Why do we wish a college education for our children. Plumbers, carpenters, electricians, auto
mechanics and such make a very good living. Also, they always seem like such nice people. Fred,our nice Iranian plumber waved goodbye. Ten minutes later our downstairs toilet started flushing itself every five minutes. I will fiddle with the flapper for the next week and then call Fred.

POLITICS AND MORE

I watched Romney and McCain give speeches the other night. They were addressing a
gathering of conservatives. Romney gave such an eloquent and graceful talk that I regreted his withdrawal from the race for the nomination. McCain followed with a most powerful presentation and made me feel much better about having to support him. But----

One must remember that none of these guys write their own stuff. They all have staffs of expert writers and so the words that they utter are not theirs. How much of what they say really reflects what they are thinking ?

Politicians are not the only offenders. I watched Jay Leno the other night as he struggled through his program sans help from his staff. Pathetic ! Not funny ! I suppose anyone could be funny if someone were writing ones stuff. The really funny ones are the faceless writers who never get credit for their efforts.

I AM STILL THE DICTATER ( I wish)

Just a few more things I would do ----

1) Campaign finance reform : If you can't vote for them, you can't contribute to their campaign. That means no more corporate or labor union involment. Limit individual contributions to 2000.00 dollars.

2) Tax simplification: Eliminate the schedule A. Eliminate charitable contributions ( to much cheating). One page return with with schedules attached for interest, dividends and capital gain/loss. Phase out the earned income ( tax) credit. Again, to much cheating.

3) Corporate tax reform: Dividends to be payed from gross profits (before taxable income)
No more double taxation of dividends. The enormous advantages of this simple rule are too numerous to mention but your dictator would be quite willing to discuss this further should anyone care to ask.

4) Do away with the minimum wage. This would allow marginal workers to be hired for jobs that now go unfilled. Perhaps you don't remember the old days when teenagers would fill your gas tank, clean the windshield and check the oil and air. Way back in those days, a dime or quarter tip was expected. Do you recall the old folks in the elevators directing you to the correct floor.

This is the end of the dictator series. It is by no means the end of the ukases I would issue.

CONTROLING THE FEDERAL BUDGET (I AM THE DICTATOR )

This is a no brainer for anyone with a grain of sense. That would be too much to expect of our elected officials. Here are a few simple ideas which would save billions.

1) Do away with the so called earmarks. They used to be called pork but that term got a bad reputation so , in their infinite wisdom, our congress decided to rename it. No one was fooled.

2)Give the president (the dictator if I have my way ) the line item veto so he ( I ) can eliminate the stupidest items in the budget proposals. You may not believe this but the departments are required to spend all the money allotted to them. I would change that rule also.

3) Do away with the cost of living increases for everybody, including congress, government employees, social security recipients and other so called entitlement payments.

4) Do away with foreign aid, especially to counties that are not our friends.

5) Phase out the earned income (tax) credit. Much of the money returned to the lower income filers is filed fraudulently.

6)Gradually increase the age of retirement for social security recipients. Everyone knows that the system is going broke but no one is doing anything about it.

So that is a start. We will have saved many billions of dollars. I have many other ideas but I leave it to my faithful readers to give me their suggestions.

IF I WERE A DICTATOR ( Cont. )

IF I WERE A DICTATOR ( Cont. )

I must go back to the immigration subject, albeit having much to say about other topics.
In answer to the commentary of some of my faithful readers I state the following :
1) We are not running out all the illegals. Quite the contrary. We are giving these scofflaws a chance to legalize their stay. But we don't particularly want them here permanently or even to give them citizenship. We do want them to do the dirty work ( Agriculture, construction, etc.)
and so give them two years to stay. Then they may return after one year ( or six months)
for another two years work. How humane can a dictator be ?

IF I WERE A DICTATOR

A recurring dream of mine has me in charge of the US government. I am in complete control and am able to solve almost all the problems that plague our wonderful country. There are 5 problems that seem to require my immediate attention.

1) Immigration : Build a great double wall across the borders and put plenty of guards along it. National guard and army could be employed. No more Mr. nice guy. Get tough on the miscreants that are caught.
Those illegal immigrants already here would be required to register and be issued an identification, Without this documents they would not be able to work or rent dwellings or receive any benefits. If caught, the non registered ones would be subject to deportation at once.
Those who register would be allowed two years to stay and then be required to return to their country of origin for at least one year and be allowed back in for a two year period upon presentation of the registry document.. Children born of illegals would no have US citizenship.
Problem solved. QED

I will discuss spending control in the next IF I WERE A DICTATOR blog.

A NEW ADD ICTION

It's bad enough that many of us are addicted to alcohol, drugs, tobacco, food and the list goes on. Now I have discovered, to my dismay, that there are other, heretofore unexpected habituating things, to wit, BOGGLE. The old game, is with a boxful of letters which when shaken allows one to select words. It is a fine competitive pastime, lots of fun with any number of players involved. Mildly addictive. The new game is on the computer. It shakes the computer picture of the box and comes up with the letters. It then selects a competitor and gives one three minutes to select what words one can find. The more games one wins, the harder he competition. I need help. I cannot stop playing. At night,w hen I should be asleep, I play the game in my mind. I no longer read or even watch TV. It's boggle time, day or night. I want to thank my dear daughter Margie for starting me on this ruinous path.

BACK TO NORMMAL

Still recovering from the Christmas new year celebrations.
How wonderful to have large portions of family and friends
around but after a week it is a relief to be alone again/ Jan, bless her,
has already re exhausted herself, undoing all the decorations she spent many hours putting up just a few days ago.
We spent many happy hours playing Boggle on the computer. As many as 10 at a time gathered about, shouting out words they were able to spot on the screen. The typist had to be quick to get them all down. It is unbelievable how quickly the kids can type, faster I think than one can talk. Poker and Wii and jigsaw puzzles kept us busy. We ate out frequently. Never a dull moment.
On another subject: I am objecting once again on English language usage.
Will everyone quit saying "very unique" and "more unique". Am I the only one left in the world who knows that unique means one of a kind? One could correctly say
"almost unique" or better yet rare, or unusual.